I went to a friend’s house the other day and out of the blue this guy piped up and declared “I hate Justin Bieber”. I wonder what it was about the super talented, young, good looking and rich Justin Bieber that he hated so much. I can’t think! Does he know Justin Bieber? No! His hatred has stemmed from what he has read about him in the media. Fast forward to last week and many people are ripping into Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. From the tone of the speculations a lot of people are watching the demise of the ‘beautiful’ couple with glee.
Have you noticed the growing trend of people who have nothing better to do than to get ‘all up in people business’ and spit venom? They have something to say about the swiftness of Taylor Swift’s relationships… the antics of Usain Bolt in Rio… anything about Kim Kardashian births, girth or worth.
To judge others is a natural human condition. It is part of the decision making process. Yet there are some people who feel it their God given right to act as judge and jury over what other people do with their lives. Make no mistake people who judge and criticise you without knowing anything about you …your circumstances or the reasons behind what you do… are a special type of sociopaths. They are judgemental sociopaths.
The hallmark of a judgemental sociopath is double standards.
The thing they criticise you for is the very thing they do not do in their own lives. They do not adhere to their own rules. When you point out the short comings in their behaviour, all hell lets loose. They get so offended that you end up apologising or walking on egg shells just to keep the peace. They can dish it out but they can’t take it. Their criticism of you may appears arrogant, conceited and self-righteous but this is the defence mechanism of choice to hide their self- loathing, insecurities and despair about their life.
Traits of a judgmental sociopath
-They have their own set of rules of what is acceptable behaviour. Your job is to jump through their hoops about how they want you to be so that they can feel better about themselves.
– They get secret pleasure when you mess up, make a mistake or have personal difficulties. It gives them licence to dive in and tell you what’s wrong with you. This condition is called Schadenfreude. The etymology of the word is German and it means ‘harm’ and ‘joy’. In English it means to ‘gloat’.
-Extreme judgemental sociopath can be sadistic. They like to twist the knife in. An example. Jess tells Said about a party Said was not invited too, just to get a reaction out of him. Said is bewildered he knows the party host very well. Jess seizes her opportunity to criticise Said and tells him he is a brute and nobody like him and that’s the reason why he wasn’t invited to the party. Jess likes to see Said upset. Jess is what is now known as a frenemy.
Behind the painted smile of the judgemental sociopath
-They suffer from low self-esteem. Criticising you is how they get back at a world that appears to them unfair. They get seriously affronted when your life is going well so they look for any which way to bring you down. They may appear as if they have it all together but what they have is a superiority complex masquerading as an inferiority complex.
-They are passive aggressive because they come across as calm and kind to your face as if butter wouldn’t melt. But when your back is turned…watch out! They do not have the courage to tell it to your face.
-They are narcissistic at heart. They are self-centred, self-absorbed and self-obsessed human beings. They hate when you are doing well. In an attempt to get the focus on them they trash you and try to get attention in that way. They take it personally when you are successful, have a nice family and good friends when they don’t.
Taking on the judgemental sociopath
-Notice people in your midst who judge others quickly. If they have something negative and nasty to say about people in the media without knowing them, you can bet your last biscuit that as soon as your back is turned, it will be your turn!
-Do not take any unfair or unwanted criticisms personally. It isn’t about you. According to Dr Dwayne Dyer “When you judge a person you do not define them you define yourself. Its only because life is giving them a hard time they want to give you hard time. They see you as their ‘punch bag’ on which they vent all their anger, bitterness, resentment and jealousy.
-Do not share personal information with them. They are master manipulators and they will take down any information you give and use it against you in the future. Keep conversation short and to the point.
-Do not argue back. The judgmental sociopath is not interested in right and wrong or what if fair and just. They are only interested in their own agenda. If you get emotional you are actually giving them too much information about what bothers you. If you feel emotional… walk away.
Mother Theresa said “When you judge people you have no room to love them”. Judging others is the opposite of empathy, compassion and acceptance. And this is why you cannot confront them or pull them up on their behaviour because they won’t get it. In order to accept what you say they have to have empathy and humility. If they had those qualities then there wouldn’t be a problem in the first place.
Judgemental sociopaths are hard work so I’ll leave you with the quote of Carl Jung Psychologist extraordinaire.
“Thinking isn’t easy and that is why most people judge“