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Dear men…

The saddest things you do not know about inequality

The other day I was talking about women’s inequality to my son and he said “I hate all feminists”. Whoa! Where had I gone wrong? Didn’t my son know that he had been raised by a feminist…and a pretty bold one at that! This is what I said to my son….and this is what I want to say to all men.

Dear man…
I know there has been a flurry of diversity initiatives lately and there’ll probably be a lot more as Hilary makes her way to the White House … she just need to see off the Game Show Host with the dodgy weave first.

I noticed in all the diversity initiatives that men are not exactly excluded but not actively included. Have you been told in any meaningful way what diversity means? Have you ever wanted to find out? Have you never had a discussion about inequality were both sides didn’t get heated and defensive.

In the diversity events that I ran there are always a smattering of curious men. They are most surprised to find that we are not planning to take over the world… neither are we running a hate campaign on men. All we want is the same opportunity to shine just like you.

It may have escaped your notice but women have advanced just a little over the past 100 years or so. We have gone from the pinafore to the podium. The saddest thing is that you do not seem to be in the slightest bit interested. You spend hours at work talking about visions, takeover bids, strategies and planning…don’t you want to hear how we did it? Women just didn’t take over a company or a country we took over destiny. We took history by the testicles and changed it! I think that the women’s movement is one of the biggest success stories ever told.

Capture

You know the saddest thing about all this inequality malarkey is that men are the losers. Women get all of you. Because you get every opportunity to realise your potential. We witness your story. You do not know our story and it is for that reason you will never know your mothers, lovers, sisters or daughters. You will never know what it is like to see us really succeed without fear, hesitation or guilt. Oh the guilt! You will never get to see how far your womenfolk can actually go. To me this is a great shame. I know you love and admire us but you love flowers at half bloom. You are always looking for the next best version in everything but have no interest in seeing the best version of women. You are missing out on so much! I can hardly find the words to tell you…

I know that in our quest for liberation we have made some wrong moves. I cringe when men talk about women ‘burning their bras’ as if that is the only thing we have ever done. It was a strategy in a battle. The strategy and the battle is not the war. I know some women were a little aggressive about it. We needed to get your attention. You guys didn’t help matters because you became even more aggressive and closed ranks on us. But that was then and this is now. The war was and still is to have equal treatment… equal access… and equal share. We don’t want to be the same as you we just want the same opportunities as you. We don’t want to take your place… want our own place.

Have you ever stopped to wonder why women want equality in these things? Have you ever stopped to think what we’d do if we had equal pay and the like. We would contribute to the world. That what! We would create balance in the world. We would take the heat of you guys and release you of the burden of having to be the breadwinner. Do you know that there are countless men who work hard for a family that they don’t even know? Their children are strangers. The saddest thing is that you are cutting yourself off from your own life.

I am not going to bore you with the statistics of how many women across the globe get hassled every day. Well if you really want to know….its 1 in 3 and its getting worst. That means that a women very close to you is being abused in some form or fashion…at work…in the streets…in the train… And you turn a blind eye and pretend that inequality has nothing to do with you…that diversity is a female issue. No! It is a male issue. You are the ones with the problem. Women want to work. We want to show you what we can do… we want to succeed for humanity. What is so wrong with that? What is so threatening about us? You know what so sad… it is that women get abused by nice guys. The nice guy at work and down the pub. The nice guy… your mate is the same guy who leers at women…calls out to them on the streets… dismisses their contributions in the office…undermines their professionalism and rubs himself up against them on his way home from the office. I am a business woman but I still have to phone my husband to come and get me if I am late home from a meeting… it is too dangerous for us to walk on the streets. You seem to think that the rapist is some degenerate or some psycho. He is not…he is the nice guy. The saddest thing about it is that one day you will be offering your daughters up to a nice guy.

You seem to think that because you do nothing to harm women…that you love your partner and your mother and get them gifts on the appropriate day that you are one of the good guys and that lets you off the hook. No! By doing nothing to challenge the status quo you are actually doing something. You are allowing the cowardly little weasels who prey on women as a way of feeling good about themselves to slip by. He thinks that your silence is consent. He thinks that your silence is agreement. You have to speak up for your women folk because the abuse is getting worst.

China is now feeling the brunt of its ‘no girl child’ policy. For years China encouraged couples to have 1 child and they favoured boys. Now there is such a shortage of women that men have to go to Vietnam to buy women. Women have become scarce and hot property. Can you imagine a world where there are no women? When I walk into a place where there are only men it smells odd. It is the smell of stagnation. The saddest thing here is that there are men all over the world who don’t know how to be men around women.

men

China a country of men

We women bring great gifts. The gifts of a mother for a start….the one that rocked you on her knee. And made you the man you are today. For better or for worst. Your mother comes from good stock. You have seen her strength, courage, resilience and resourcefulness at first hand. It has reared and shaped you. Nearly all of you were raised by women. Your fathers were either on the side-lines, working, unapproachable, incommunicative or absent. Your mother was mother, father, nurse, HR specialist, consultant, cook, financial advisor, educator, designated driver, party planner, listener, storyteller… when did it happen that she and her kind are not good enough for business or the workplace when everything you are… you owe to her. I know we are crazy and you don’t understand our ways sometimes. But we raised you… and the saddest thing is that you will not let us be ourselves so we can love you as real women.

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